An Unlikely Place
by stina-wo
Summary: Taken and rewritten from A Bit of Persuasion, this newer version puts Jack Sparrow in the spotlight when confronted by another pirate about his unexplained and sudden vacation, in a place no one would ever expect Jack to go.
1. Please Do Tell

"So, Jack. Any idea when your sudden 'get-me-off-the-sea-pirateless-don't-even-mention-the-Black-Pearl' hiatus is going to end?"

"Hiatus? You're not making any sense, mate."

"You're so called vacation?"

"Oh, right. My 'depressed-because-I-can't-find-my-ship-which-is-in-the-possession-of-a-so-called-infamous-pirate-that-undoubtedly-put-me-in-the-worst-position-possible-so-I-can-not-and-refuse-to-pillage-and-plunder-and-otherwise-pilfer-my-weasley-black-guts-out' vacation?"

"Uh..yeah. That one."

"No. I am not. Why?"

"Well, _Jack Sparrow_…"

"Captain."

"Jack…it seems that a new…adventure is in the works. Something that calls only to pirates who are not occupied by other matters, including their unfortunate and bewildering vacations."

"It sounds like something I wouldn't be interested in."

"Oh really? So even if it included treasures beyond your wildest dreams and other fanciful things, you would pass up the chance to do something bold and adventurous with something that is as daft and careless as a vacation?"

"Hmm…yes."

"What if I told you that women would be at your very command, flocking to your every need and supplying even the most pleasurable moments that they all have to offer, would you do it?"

"Honestly, love, I have had enough of women. One sent me to the depths of locker of Davy Jones himself. I've been slapped by so many that I haven't got enough fingers to count and clearly, as I can see, I am being particularly annoyed by one now. So the answer is still no."

"Fine, Jack. Have fun on your little vacation. I'll just take the limitless supply of rum and the Black Pearl all to myself, sail the seas and pillage my way through the Caribbean."

"What?!"

"Oh. Did I forget to mention that I found said ship, claimed it as my own, and decided to recruit a pirate crew, including yourself, to help me on my journey?"

"No, you failed to mention that part….love."

"Well, since I've received your final answer, I guess the best thing for me to do is leave you to your pirateless life, take the Pearl and sail away. What say you to that?"

"I don't like that idea. It makes me sick."

"Oh, that's too bad, Jack."

"It's Captain. Captain. Jack. Sparrow."

"Captain? I don't see _your_ ship."

"The Black Pearl _is_ my ship."

"Oh is it now? Well…according to certain events it's my ship now."

"Your ship? You're a…wom…"

"Oh, go ahead, Jack. Finish the sentence."

"You're a….a…wicked, no-good, ruthless…wench!"

"No, Jack. I'm a wicked, no-good, ruthless pi-rate. Woman pirate."

"Those are the worst kind."

"Excuse me? I didn't hear that, Jack. Say it again. Louder, please."

"Those are the _best_ kind."

"Hmm. You know, Jack. You are…"

"The sweetest, most charming pirate you've ever met?"

"No. In your current situation, I wouldn't consider this as a piratey act or adventurous lifestyle for that matter. You're more of a…"

"…man of great assets and morals?"

"Not even close. More of a distant traveler that would rather spend his entire life here then to sail with his own crew and ship out on the waters of the Caribbean. That's what you are, Jack."

"Well, since you put it that way."

"Why stay here, Jack? What's so important about this place that you decided to waste your entire life here?"

"Well, love. It's a long story. I'd rather not bore you with it."

"Oh, I have all day, Jack. So please. Do tell."


	2. Don't Forget to Write!

"Well, love. They've said that people who stay here become ageless, immortal."

"Immortal? That's taking it a bit far, isn't it?"

"It is what I've always wanted."

"What you've always wanted…heh. You missed an opportune moment not that long ago, to become that immortal man you _desired_ to be."

"Oh, yes. I know, but the whole fish-face and the 'not being able to make port for ten years' bit…kind of frightening."

"Well, only if you didn't follow the rules, Jack. If you did, you would have had it all by now."

"True. But this…this place is more…exciting…adventurous…"

"Crowded. How do you deal with all of these people?"

"One at a time."

"Excuse me?"

"One at a time, love"

"Riiiight. So let me get this straight, Jack. You'd rather spend your entire life here among _these_ people then sail on _your_ ship and plunder the night away?"

"If I remember correctly, it is _your_ ship."

"Forget about the Black Pearl, Jack. This is about you."

"Well, it's about time some one had the decency to add me into their conversation."

"Jack."

"It's Captain Jack…Sparrow."

"Whatever. Just…tell me. Why?"

"Don't know, love. I just decided to have my vacation here. That's all."

"You know, you're not making this any better."

"And you're not making _this_ any more enjoyable."

"Oh fine then, Jack! I'll just leave you to your fancies with this massive crowd and never talk to you….again!"

"That doesn't bother me at all, love. It's just what I need really."

"Oh, is it now? After all this time, that's all you need? Well, how do you think Mr. Gibbs feels, all alone out in the world. And Tia, what would she think?"

"Doesn't she have crabs?"

"Jack, that's getting really old."

"Is it? I still think it's funny."

"You think everything is funny, Jack."

"Does it count if I told Norrington that he _smelled_ funny?"

"Jack, please. You need to get away from this vacation of yours."

"No, I don't want to and there's nothing you can do that'll make me."

"Well then, Jack. Fine. I'll leave you alone to rot away with these people. Be a land bearing traveler for all I care."

"I will, love. Indeed I will."

"Alright then. I'm leaving and I'm taking the Black Pearl with me!"

"Fine with me. Don't forget to write!"


	3. There's Nothing You Can Do About It!

"Don't forget to write? Well, I guess that means I'm going to need this now, don't I?"

"Oh please don't take that, love. I need it for the children!"

"The children? Do you honestly think a child would enjoy being in the presence of a foul creature such as yourself?"

"Yes. I'm very popular, you know."

"I'm sure you are. I can see the miles of lines filled with women who are just swooning over how handsome you are, Jack."

"Actually, you missed that. Should have been here hours ago, there were women everywhere."

"Right. Hanging on your every word?"

"Hmm. Yes."

"You know, Jack…you are without doubt…"

"The worst pirate you've ever heard of. I've already heard that one. Many times."

"…ugh! Never mind, Jack. You're too occupied with other, more simpler matters to even listen to anyone."

"What makes you think I was listening to you in the first place?"

"You are so…so…you're such a…"

"Pirate!"

"Excuse me, love. I have a visitor."

"Oh right. Because you're so _popular_."

"There you go, mate."

"Wait a minute, Jack. What did you just do? What was that book and why did you write in it?"

"I put my name in it."

"Why."

"Not quite sure. I've been getting that a lot since I started this vacation of mine."

"There is something very peculiar about this place, Jack."

"What? The fact that everyone here is happier than Gibbs on a rum filled ship?"

"No, peculiar because everyone seems to…"

"What?"

"…like you."

"And you don't think I'm a likable person?"

"After everything you've done to not just me but a handful of other people? No, not at all."

"Well fine! I'll just go off and have some tea with a couple of friends of mine. And you know what, love?"

"What, Jack?"

"You're not invited!"

"Well, you know what, Jack? If I was this friend of yours, I'd have to be real mad to share even the smallest cup of tea with you!"

"You're still not invited!"

"Oh go lick a rock, Jack!"

"Been there, done that, love!"

"I'm sure you have! The next thing you know you're being followed by rocks, is that how it goes, Jack. Now I can see why you're completely and utterly…"

"Handsome?"

"Crazy, Jack! Crazy! This whole vacation was a crazy idea and your crew thinks you're crazy for doing it."

"Well, if they were in my boots right now, they wouldn't see it that way. Now, would they?!"

"Of course they would and they still do. Why do you think they named me as their captain?"

"What?"

"That's right Jack. I'm the captain of the Black Pearl now and there's nothing you can do about it!


	4. Someone in Mind

"I'm sure I'll find a way."

"Find a way to regain your honor as captain of the Black Pearl and sail with the rest of your crew out at sea? While in your type of predicament, I don't see that happening any time soon."

"It'll happen, love. A whole lot sooner than you think."

"So, you'll claim your pirate thrown…today?"

"Um, that's a little too soon. I'd like to make time on proposing ideas for a master plan, not rush into things. That's just how I work."

"And when exactly do you plan on proposing these ideas, Jack?"

"When I get around to it."

"Oh. So the thought of getting it done by year's end is out of the question?"

"Well, you see, love. This vacation of mine is one of a permanent kind."

"What?"

"Yes. I've heard a lot of people talk. Once you settle in, you're in for life. You become just as timeless as all the other characters here."

"I don't follow, Jack. Characters?"

"Well, love. There's a lot of things to explain, too many to count, but one thing is that once these characters stepped away from their world, their routine and life, they found themselves here, inside the walls of such a wonderful place. Some call it their magical kingdom."

"Jack, you've clearly been drinking way too much rum. All this nonsense about a magical kingdom and vacations. Maybe it's best that I just give you the Pearl, rather than fight over it."

"Oh, by all means, keep the ship. I won't be needing it for awhile."

"Jack, you must be mad. It's the Pearl! I'm practically giving it to you, no questions asked!"

"That's very kind of you, but I have other things to tend to at the moment."

"Captain Jack Sparrow!"

"That's my cue, love. Wish me luck"

"Oh, you're going to need more than just luck."

"Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!"

"Just wonderful! I thought I could bring him back, but noooooo. He wanted to stay _here_ and make a fool out of himself instead. Just wait until I…"

"Welcome to Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. Would you care for a tour of…?"

"You would happen to know how to captain a crew, would you?"

"Uh..no, ma'am."

"Then buzz off, unless such a fine lad as yourself wouldn't mind fetching me a pint of rum?"

"We don't serve rum, ma'am."

"No rum?! Then what kind of place is this?"

"A happy place."

"Well for such a happy place that doesn't have rum, what else do you have?"

"We have pirates."

"I've had enough of those wobbly-legged, rum soaked pirates!"

"Aren't you a pirate?"

"That's not the point. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a ship to sail."

"Well, thanks for visiting Walt Disney World. We hope to see you…"

"Soon? With that Jack Sparrow running around here like a mad man, you will not see me again!"

"Oh that's very unlikely, ma'am."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Well, were you in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Dead Man's Chest or At World's End?"

"Uh…no."

"Oh, well in that case you're free to go."

"What? Free to go?"

"Yes. Since you weren't in those three films, you can't be a part of this magical experience."

"Oh, I'm sure it's magical. You have mad men drinking tea, a woman with bright blonde hair that thinks she can fly…and a pirate with a hook for a hand. What makes Jack so special to join such an _elite _crew?"

"Because he's Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?"

"Oh please. I see he's gotten to you too. Mr. Popularity."

"Yes, he's quite popular, I must say."

"Jack Sparrow? Popular?"

"It's Captain."

"Oh, I'll be sure not to forget that! Captain Jack Sparrow, famous pirate of the Caribbean!"

"What's the deal with her, Frank?"

"I think she's trying to audition for the role of a pirate character."

"Like that's going to happen. Jack's too popular for another rum infested pirate."

"That's what I told her."

"And how did she take it?"

"Well, observe."

"Well confound it all! Dead Man's Chest? At World's End? What kind of place is this? If I want to be a part of such a magical king…oooh, look at all the pretty lights. And those rides and...oh look a giant mouse!"

"She's taking it rather well"

"I think we should recruit her."

"What? And risk losing Jack's crowds? Not a good idea."

"I didn't say she had to be a pirate."

"Oh...I see. I have just the part."

Two weeks later...

"Well hello, love. Fine day, isn't it?"

"Fine day? You call this a fine day? Thanks to you, I am now a part of all this mess! And I'm in blue! I'm clean! I'm girly! I'm a pompous princess! I'm…"

"Beautiful."

"Ugh!"

"Ow! Not so hard, love. I've been slapped on that cheek too many times. Slap me on the other one and I'll give you a kiss!"

"Oh, go lick something, Jack!"

"Oh, my pleasure. I actually had _someone _in mind."

The End


End file.
